The Power of Facing Down Fear and Having Faith in Our Global Community

Our "Letter from the Chairs" from this Open Hearts Big Dreams 2014

Every year we come together as a group of volunteers and donors and supporters from around the  globe to make this event a reality. Over a 100,000 kids’ big dreams depend on these open hearts. 

Where did this journey start?  For us, it started with a little girl born in Ethiopia 6 and half years ago.  Michael and I had so many fears and questions about the journey we were embarking on to expand our family with a daughter who would not share our biology but would be 100% our family.  But a belief that this was our path and that we would find answers along the way compelled us forward.

We traveled to Ethiopia that first time with so many trepidations.  They were answered  beautifully by a wide eyed baby girl who stole our hearts.  She reserved her first smile for her new dad and he has been hers completely since.

In thinking about how to connect our daughter to our country and help equalize opportunity there, again the objective seemed so big and so unfamiliar.  Doubts about what could we do rose up constantly but the power of collaboration and an enduring belief, in what was possible when people come together, propelled us forward.  And we are constantly amazed and humbled by what we accomplished together these last three years.

Each time we set the goals and aspirations higher because the kids we serve deserve that, the questions return; is this too big? can we sustain it? how we will achieve this new milestone?  The global community always comes back with an affirmative answer in so many beautiful and surprising ways. 

Going back to see the kids and communities this effort supports this summer also provided many joyous answers to any lingering doubts.  Kids enjoying a school in the countryside where before there was none.  Runners becoming tutors and leaders and discovering their confidence and dreams in the process. Our daughter walking home with new friends and enjoying books together. Knowing she had a part in their smiles and joy and they in hers is priceless. 

When we again visited the original library we planted (with lots of help) in our daughter’s birth town, the school administrator and kids exuberantly thanked her.  She beamed from ear to ear and has since recounted how awesome it is there is a library where she was born because of people from where she lives now; a wonderful circle completed.  

Thank you all for the amazing support and faith you put each year into what we do together there.  It is truly awe-inspiring.  

Happy Holidays!

Happy Birthday Happy Homecoming -- learning and growing TOGETHER

I never really liked my birthday although I don’t have any good reason.  Most years, it was just another day.  But my birthday six years ago was different.  We were traveling back from Ethiopia to Seattle with our little girl.  She would arrive at our home and meet her new brothers on the date of my birth.  That made this day take on special meaning for me.  I love that our sweet daughter officially entered our family on the same day I entered the world.  It wasn’t planned but gives us a connection I treasure.  As Leyla was working on her talk for our event this year, she included this connection without any prompting.  “I came home on my mom’s birthday and she said it was the best birthday ever.”  

This startlingly beautiful and deeply empathic child continues to challenge and stretch me in ways I never expected just as she surprisingly provided healing through just being.  As she gains awareness of both our similarities and our differences, our connections and our challenges, she forces me, through her gentle but persistent probing, to keep digging deeper into what matters and what is real.  Her questions carry so much weight but yet no judgment – a combination I strive for but don’t always achieve.  Her mind is open to taking it all in whether it makes sense or not.  She doesn’t shy away from the complex or the painful; setting an example I try to follow.  

Through our conversations which often occur in quiet spaces where it is just the two of us, I gained a number of valuable insights:

I have said to my kids I have enough love for all three of them; so too I learned my child has enough love for all her parents.  My daughter’s feelings for her first mom are beautiful and special and give me a glimpse into a woman I have never met but love dearly.

Differences matter.  Not because they have to divide us but because they impact our experience and path.  Seeing something from my daughter’s vantage point gives me a chance to look at the world from another angle and often can see things I missed.  For example, my daughter’s view of her brown skin and my peach tone which “don’t match but that’s okay” gave me a peak into her reality as part of a trans-racial family.

Working through challenging situations honestly and openly builds trust and also greater understanding on both sides.  Answering my daughter’s direct “why” questions as she seeks to wrap her mind around how there such gulfs in resources and opportunity illuminate for me that there are no satisfactory answers. I need to continue to work on being part of the solution even for issues that seem not solvable in our lifetime.

I have to meet my daughter where she is, not where I want her to be.  Her reality is different than mine and different from my boys.  I can’t and shouldn’t pretend otherwise.  I have to accept her pain and loss as well as her amazing joy for life because it is all her.  She needs me to help her navigate her path while acknowledging where I cannot provide her everything she needs and make sure I surround her with the support she needs.

Welcoming a child from another land into my heart was welcoming an entire culture with her.  And doing so added richness to my human experience.  This blog was started when my daughter was a toddler and I wanted a tangible way to express a connection to her birth country.  What happened since has been eye-opening. The ties I now have are real and breathtaking and ever expanding as is my understanding of my daughter and my commitment to making a positive contribution in her country.

Once I opened my life to a variety of cultures, some by birth and experience and some by choice – Dutch, Greek, American and Ethiopian directly and so many more indirectly through dear friends, I truly began to evolve into a citizen of the world.  And I see the opportunities for mankind, if we all moved that direction, as limitless.

Happy Homecoming my little princess; I can’t imagine my life without you; I know your dad and brothers feel exactly the same way.  And each year, I look forward to what you will teach me and how you will stretch me as you grow.  I am honored to be your mom. And humbled to now count Ethiopian as one of my cultures.

Here are some pictures of this amazing year – Happy Birthday to me.

 

 

 

Thank You! You Kept Your Promises: Ethiopia Reads, Bahir Dar and a Special Little Girl

Returning to Bahir Dar the summer of 2014 was a special event.  This is our daughter’s birthplace, and at six, she is becoming more and more interested in the facts and circumstances of her joining our family as well as her life before.  Even when she was younger, we wanted her to feel connected to this place so we raised funds to put an Ethiopia Reads library in a school there.  When we went in 2011 on the first of what we hope are many trips to Ethiopia, the building was dedicated but the library was far from a reality.  Leyla was three years and enjoyed her time there but kept no memories.  So this was her first chance to make the connection we hoped for her.

2011

When we asked our guide about going back to library and what arrangement had been made, he replied we would just stop by while in Bahir Dar.  Michael and I glanced at each other nervously; dropping by a school unannounced didn’t seem like a very good idea.  And we had made it clear this was an important visit for us.
But we said nothing and hoped for the best.We walked into the school entrance and immediately became the center of attention of throngs of school children.  The kids enthusiastically directed us to another area in the back of the school. A number of them then followed us, bounding with energy as we walked there.  Laughter and silliness filled the air as many pairs of bright brown eyes watched our progress intently.

We found the school administrator in a small room.  He was leading a meeting with a large number of the teaching staff.  Our guide gave him a brief explanation for our appearance.  The school principal in turn introduced our family to his teachers.  It was so inspiring to see a room full of educators that likely would have taught Leyla had she remained.  They called out greetings to us for a moment and then, all but one, turned their attention back to the meeting.

2014

A lovely older woman teacher was tasked with showing us the library.  We didn’t know what to expect.  Three years had passed. We knew it was possible the library had not been maintained.  Where there are bigger priorities, sometimes libraries become victim to neglect.   We were thrilled to find a working library being used by kids and adults.  It was vibrant and alive; unlike the virtually empty space we saw previously. 

2011

2014 

We saw the plague we had brought  dedicating the library sitting high on a book shelf as we entered.  I took it down to have closer look.  Reading the words again with the library now a reality and Leyla able to appreciate what meant for these kids was a moving experience. 

This library is for the children of Bahir Dar,

birthplace of Leyla Marie Fasika

beloved daughter of Ellenore and Michael Angelidis

and

cherished sister of Dimitri and Damian Angelidis

"Once you learn to read, you will be forever free"

                                                  Frederick H. Douglas

ETHIOPIA READS 2011

Having Leyla proudly hold it up closed a special loop.  Now this was truly her library too.

Dimitri, our eldest at 17, sat down and read a book with Leyla, cheek to cheek, while Damian, 13, was behind the camera, snapping memories as our official trip photographer.  Looking at the three siblings together, in her country, at her birthplace; big brothers joining their little sister on her unique journey, was beyond priceless.  Their love for her is so huge!

The teacher with us made a passionate plea for more books and an extension of the library building which was serving close to 2,000 children and simply could not accommodate all of them well.  I sensed a steely determination to help her students as she pressed on. Opportunities like meeting us don’t come often she explained.  The need is everywhere but so is the joy and opportunity I see etched in the bright eager faces of the kids who engaged with us at every turn and of their terrific advocates and teachers.

Meeting the children in person is truly one of the great joys for me. Kids overcome language and culture so naturally as if it's no barrier at all. Their openness and joy is inspiring.  They are the future and were grabbing on to the opportunities in front of them to learn with both hands. Their smiles were sunshine in this land know for 13 months of it.

As we were walking out, the school principle enthusiastically picked up Leyla and held her aloft. And he introduced her to the students surrounding him as the reason they have a library and as one of their own, since they shared a birthplace.  I think she might have preferred to be a little less the center of attention in that moment, like when she found a quiet place to read a new book a bit earlier.  But she smiled good-naturedly as the kids cheered.  But I also saw a sense of quiet pride and belonging pass over her beautiful face at this unexpected and unequivocal welcome into the community where she began her life.

Waiting for our driver on the busy sidewalk, we saw a familiar face, impeccably dressed in suit.  He was one of the administrators who welcomed us on our last visit . Our guide told us he wanted to tell us something before we departed and then translated for him.  What he said to us filled my eyes with grateful tears,

"Thank you.  You kept your promises.” 

So many of our friends, colleagues and great people we met in person or virtually on our amazing journey made it possible to keep these promises.  So we extend this heartfelt "Thank You!" to you too!

Happy Sixth Birthday to My Big Little Girl! I Have So Many Wishes for You, My Daughter!

My only girl is growing up too fast – cliche I know, but still so true.  She continues to humble me in countless ways. She joined us through circumstances that defy adequate explanation and are, at times, painful to examine too closely.   She brought with her into our family a zest and joy that is beyond what I could imagine. She is beginning to understand more and now asks me questions I don’t know how to answer, piercing me with her black orbs that don’t ever seem to blink. 

In how she approaches life, she models many behaviors I see as the best of us.  She inspires me.  I have so many wishes for her on this special day, it is hard to know where to begin.   But here goes, I wish for you my baby girl (who I know doesn’t really want to be called a baby any more but humors this mama):

May you always keep your sense of inclusion.  If I could bottle how you openly and without judgment approach everyone around you, the world would see less misunderstanding and hate.

May your sense of what is fair and right continue to guide you to stand up when you see injustice or someone who needs your support or just one of your light-up-any room smiles. 

May your inner “caregiver” continue to lead you to generously reach out to those around you in your life whether it be family, four-legged creatures or new friends.  You have the gift of saying or doing just the right thing at just the right moment to make people feel cherished.  

May you continue to ask the tough questions unflinchingly and push until you receive adequate answers.  Those questions lead to healthy discussions, progress and sometimes even solutions. 

May you never lose the ability to see the humor in any situation and to use your intellect and wit to make even the toughest person smile at your disarming charm.  

May you grow in your own understanding of how complex and beautiful you are – in every way. 

Each year gives me so many amazing opportunities to see you blossoming into your huge personality  and endless potential.  Watching you celebrate this day with family so joyously, or listening to you belt out the words to Frozen and Lion King on our roof top with abandon as I type, takes my breath away.  

Happy Birthday Leyla Marie Fasika!  You are now six and so sensational! 

How Will They Know I am Ethiopian?

We are planning our second trip back to Ethiopia since bringing our daughter home in 2008.  She is almost six and giddy with excitement.  She identifies strongly with her birth country.  She has been known to ask, “Do you know why I am special?”   I will respond, “No, why?” although I know perfectly well the reason she will give. She then answers proudly, “BECAUSE I AM ETHIOPIAN!!”  I can tell if she likes someone we meet.  In those instances, she will tug on my arm and ask me to bend down.  Then she will whisper in my ear, “Tell them where I came from . .tell them I am from Ethiopia.”  She prefers to use me as the messenger of this special news if the person is not familiar.  Then if she gets a suitable response, she will take it from there.

For a while, she thought anyone with a similar skin tone and hair as hers was from her East African nation.  If we saw someone with brown skin and black curly hair, she would tell me, “They are from Ethiopia too." In some cases she was right, in others the person was from Kenya, Somalia or the United States.  I had to explain that people from a number of countries have skin similar to hers.  She has also recently starting to ask some more difficult questions.  Since she came home as an infant, her first language is English although she is also learning French at her International School.  When we discussed going back to her birthplace, she quickly identified a problem, “But I can’t talk to them because I don’t speak Ethiopian.”  I then clarified that Ethiopia has quite a number of languages but none called “Ethiopian”.  I also explained to her people can interpret for us and she could learn Amharic (the language spoken where she was born) if she wants to.  She nodded vigorously with a broad smile.

Another day, we were in the kitchen cooking and discussing different parts of our trip.  Cooking with my kids seems to open up windows to the most amazing dialogues.  Leyla was wearing one of her favorite outfits.  All of a sudden she got an extremely concerned look on her face.  She asked with an equally anxious tone, “Mommy, how will they know I am Ethiopian if I dress like this.”  And she motioned down her dress to her leggings and shoes.  I had to hold back my laughter because her face was deadly serious with tears threatening in her huge black eyes.  I said, “Oh honey, they will know you are Ethiopian by looking at your face.”  I was rewarded by a huge toothy grin and a return of the customary twinkles to those gigantic orbs. And she added, “It might be good to get me some Ethiopian clothes too.”  She is an opportunist among many other qualities.

Raising a child from a culture and a continent not my own is a huge responsibility and one I don’t take lightly. I am so grateful that she is open and that she embraces where she is from while also comfortably embracing where her father and I come from and where we all live now.  Pictures of our first trip and her three year old self still inspire and amaze me (photos taken by my son Damian).  I am also so grateful for all the people in our lives connected to Ethiopia who can keep her connected whether they be other adoptees of various ages, friends who immigrated to the United States or people with a love of Ethiopia that runs deep.   Our Ethiopian Ties continue to grow, deepen and ripple.

This journey back feels much different than our first because Leyla (pictured earlier in the year with an African carving we have everywhere we live as a reminder of where she comes from), and we as a family, understand so much more and because of that are expecting so much more.  I am sure Ethiopia won’t disappoint as we continue our lifelong journey to connect our daughter and our whole family with this amazing place.