This has been a big year.
Michael and I celebrated 25 years married. This homecoming and birthday celebration marked a half century on this earth for me – wow, where
did the years go?! And in the fall, I brought our eldest to college. Another reminder that time flies as it seems
yesterday he was a tiny baby. It was the
first time since Leyla joined our family on my birthday eight years ago, we would again be a
family of four for our day to day.
The milestones and transitions of this year impacted us all; Leyla was no exception. Her eight year old self is a wonderfully complex human being. Looking back at her development in the last twelve months showed huge growth and provided opportunities for introspection to me.
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| At her first ever photo shoot for an Amazon Toy Campaign |
She learned growing up involves loss.
Leyla took her big brother's departure to college hard as they have a special
bond. She told me soulfully, “I am SO sad
he is leaving.” I empathized and
reminded her, “We are all sad, sweetie, but this is a good thing and part of your
brother growing up.” She looked at me
like I totally missed the point, “Well, I had the LEAST amount of time with
him. You and dad got 19 years, Damian
got 15, and I only got 8.” I didn’t have
a good response to this poignant display of her new math skills. So I settled
for giving her a big hug which comforted us both.
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| Leyla getting to visit big brother at college |
She grew
as a teacher and a learner.
One day, she talked to me about issues she had at her
school with her classmates. We walked through the specifics and some of the strategies she might
try to get a different result. Some
involved how to balance when to hold her ground and when to compromise; a
tricky balance for me too. She shared a few days later, “Thanks so much for your advice.
It all worked out great. I really appreciate you talking it through with
me.” This was not the report back I
expected from my second grader. But I am learning nothing is as I might expect
with her. And she reminded me of how empowering it can be to be given another
perspective and some new strategies to try.
She broadened how she identifies her complex identity.
She LOVES being Ethiopian.
Going to ECA culture camp is a yearly highlight. But she is also proud
to be Greek (via Dad) and they enjoy special delicacies together like
dolmades. She also loves being Dutch (via
Mom) hanging out with Oma and Opa and learning their native language
lullabies. She is modeling how embracing
a culture doesn’t mean excluding others.
She is naturally inclusive which is inspiring to me.
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| Hanging out in Denver with Oma and Opa |
Her relationship with
her hair and mine evolved.
She rocked her first set of braids which she adored. She then missed her curls and was glad when
they were released as we undid the braids.
She loves playing with my hair and her dolls'. I think my hair is fine. I always had hair envy for those with thick
long hair. But she thinks my hair is
wonderful. She adores styling it. I get
almost as much hair attention as her dolls.
She practices creating braids and other fun, funky styles – most I cannot wear in
public although she wants me to each time. She has
helped me to model what I always tell her.
“Your hair is perfect for you.”
And so I am coming to accept mine is also perfect for me.
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| Rocking her braids at an Ethiopia Reads Fundraiser |
She modeled how to expresses gratitude and make people feel seen.
Her approach reminds me of the power of being grateful for
what is good and pure in my life. The simplest gestures can hold so much power. I can always find something good in every
interaction but I need to develop the discipline to make it a focus. She has a natural ability to find the good in
situations without ignoring the challenges.
This is an art. She will thank
people on a regular basis for the smallest of gestures and try to genuinely connect with them. You can see the impact as their faces light
up. When I was at a recent fundraiser, a
friend noted, I asked her, “How are you, Leyla?” And she responded, “Great. And how are YOU?” The later part being what she found more
surprising.
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| Celebrating after her first hip hop performance |
She experienced death
as an intricate part of life.
With the unexpected passing of her beloved pup Bella, she experienced
all the stages of grief. Disbelief: “I am waiting for her to just come back?” “Do you think she is hiding?” “I dreamt she was still with us”; Anger: “What
is the point of living if we are all going to die anyway?!”; and finally Acceptance: “I am glad we had the time we had with her.” And she embraced our new pup Beau with the
same reckless abandon. She makes the
expression “loved to death” come to life.
She opened her whole heart fully willing to risk the pain and loss
again. She also held on to the love she
had for Bella keeping a little stuffed animal of the same breed on her dresser. When she found out a neighbor lost her dad,
Leyla sat down and wrote her a note. She then hand delivered, compelled to
offer comfort. She was
rewarded with a card in the mail which laid out how much this person appreciated her gesture. I was reminded me the power of sincerely
reaching out whatever the age or situation.
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| Doggie days at Amazon with little Beau |
Thank you sweet daughter for providing me (and your dad and brothers) so much joy and love and learning! Your life is complex and not without its share of unanswerable questions and undeserved pain. Yet you move through it with such grace and wonder and dignity.
Looking forward to another amazing year with you!