Happy Birthday Happy Homecoming 2018 -- Impact and Hope

Ten years ago on my birthday, our little Leyla, not so little any more, joined our family in Seattle.  I have been documenting this day with a blog post since she was two. I missed last year when my dad died because I couldn’t find words or thoughts to coherently share.

Ten years is so long and yet so short.  Our daughter is becoming a young lady – although she would like to stay a kid, according to her.

Her impact on our family is HUGE.  She is a beloved little sister and daughter who has special a relationship with each of us.  She completed our family in ways that is nearly impossible to fully capture.

Her impact on our community is big. She advocates for kids who need a voice and is quick to point out an injustice or the lack of diversity when she sees it. She sets an example for kids and grown ups alike to do something to improve things from where they are now.

Her impact in the world is beginning.  Since she was three and discovered many kids in her birthcountry don’t get the chance to go to school or read, she has been involved in making the appeal at Open Hearts Big Dreams event which has since become it’s own not for profit.  In her words as a little girl, “That’s not fair and we need to fix it.”  When she was seven, she started writing her own talk and said she just need a “Coach.”  I wanted to share her 2018 words with you here:

Hello. SehLAHM.  My name is Leyla Marie Fasika Angelidis and I recently won a reading award which had the quote “Reading is Dreaming with Your Eyes Open.”  Our Ready Set Go Books let me to dream my way to the Rift Valley where 23 types of flamingos can only be found there.  They helped me learn the secret of the Happiest Herder and trick the Runaway Injera. 

In Ethiopia, some kids don’t get the chance to learn to read.  I view this problem as a big lion or AHNbehssah.  But as an Ethiopian proverb says, “If spider united, they can tie up a lion.” So, if we unite, like the spiders, we can tie up this lion and give all kids the chance to dream with their eyes open.  Thank you; AHmahsayguhNAHloh.

She practiced a lot and wanted to get everything just right. Last year she didn’t do exactly what she had planned.  She was sorely disappointed although everyone assured her she had done a great job.  This time she delivered for the audience again and  this time also for herself.  She was particularly proud that she correctly including words in Amharic she learned at Ethiopian Community in Seattle Culture Camp.  The highlights there for her are special friends and the Ethiopian dancing and food.  Language learning has been more of a struggle. 

Her impact in the world is tied up in her identity and ours as a family; all are complex and evolving.  She identifies as fully Ethiopian but also embraces her Dutch and Greek roots – with a particular love of Greek mythology.  She also knows she is fully American.  Being “black” is something she is still wrapping her mind around; she has consistently pointed out she is “brown.”  And she is starting to truly grasp the complexity, pain and disparities in the world, she and we can’t fix.  And I can feel her heart (and mine) breaking a little with each revelation.

However, seeing a woman being appointed President of Ethiopia for the first time, half the Ethiopian cabinet named being women and the head of the Ethiopian Supreme Court being another well qualified woman, gives us both hope.  She has big aspirations and ambitions! She loved the book, “So You Want to be President” but rightly pointed out that all our presidents have been men and all but one white.  Now she has role models that look like grown up versions of my little girl. 

I love getting to work with my sweet child and be inspired by her.  My role in her life is changing as she has more thoughts and opinions of her own.  She needs to create an identity different than mine as a unique person but also a person who has a separate history, race, culture and another family.  She has pushed me to re-think and re-consider many beliefs about and approaches to parenting, privilege, and opportunity.  I can only imagine what the next decade will bring.

I love you to Ethiopia and back again my darling daughter.  I know the road ahead may be a bit choppy as you navigate adolescence but we are in this together!

Happy 9th Birthday to my Beautiful Daughter Who Doesn’t Share My DNA But Shares So Many Other Things

As my little one completed her 9^th trip around the sun, I find myself considering how much we credit to DNA.  This is something my daughter and I don’t share.  And because of that, our difference are pretty obvious.  She is petite; I am tall.  She has brown skin; I have white.  My hair is wavy blond and eyes are green; her hair is curly black and eyes just this side of black.  
 

But we have a lot in common too.  Is it nature?  Is it fate? Or is it some combination of things I can’t explain?  Whatever the reason, we enjoy sharing these special connections.

We LOVE experimenting with hair and clothes.  I recall all my crazy hair styles and outfits from my youth as I watch my daughter follow that path with her own exploration.  I have become the hair model for many of her efforts.  We also found her a hair model doll which I would have loved to have when I was a girl.  Her style is a bit more dance diva where mine was eclectic model.  But our goal to use our hair and clothes as a means of expression is the same.  I chuckled in appreciation recently when I saw she had used scarves to create a long thick braid tied around her high pony tail.  We make a funny sight as she will happily do my hair in all place including public ones like a basketball game.

We value peace and inclusion at a cellular level.  Leyla and I both want to make people feel welcome and included.  We like to have everyone get along; whether it be family or friends. This is often easier said than done.  When our efforts aren't successful, we take it personally.  We then talk about how the other person might have viewed the situation and what we could do different next time.

We ADORE animals.  We love them, whether it be our beautiful papillions, our conure, the cats that wander through our yard, or fish in our pond.  I had a zoo's worth of stuffed animals of all kinds as a child and Leyla has topped me.  There is barely room for her little body in her bed.  We watch animals shows on TV.  On safari in Kenya, we were both enthralled with getting to jump into the scenes with these most amazing creatures in real life (except for the time when the monkeys came to "share" our hot chocolate or the lioness seemed like she was going to "join" us in our vehicle because we got too close to her and her baby).

We strive to interact above our linear years.  I was called wise beyond my years as a kid.  I enjoyed adult conversations and hanging out with older, either in years or life experience, people and exploring deep topics.  This desire is heightened for Leyla as the youngest with quite the gap between her and her brothers.  She also has had to make sense of a complex life situation which I think has increased her desire to gain insight into the WHY of human choices and behaviors.

Dancing makes us happy.   Somehow moving to music always made me feel free and fluid and like anything was possible.  I see the same for Leyla although she has physical gifts I never did as she demonstrated when she showed me the coffee grinder in motion after her first hip hop class.   A dance party with the Echo playing our favorite tunes is a great bonding time for us (and I am sure a good opportunity to chuckle for anyone watching).

We laugh with abandon. Laughter releases all this joy.  I find it infectious and great anecdote to when there is nothing left to say, either because we are joyful, mad or sad -- and words are wholly inadequate.  We laugh together at all the silliness we see, to get out of a funk, to release the emotions of a hard talk or experience.  A long tight hug after is extra special.

We sense we are destined for something and feel the weight of that responsibility.  I didn’t know what or why but I thought there was something I was supposed to do which led me to found Open Hearts Big Dreams Fund to help kids in Ethiopia.  I am still not quite sure what else but I still have that feeling.  I knew Leyla shared it when I saw her choose “So you want to be president” to watch over and over.  And when she shared her aspirations, the literal brother quickly pointed, “You can’t because you were not born here.”  Without missing a beat, she said, “Then I will be president of Ethiopia.”

We own our power.  Autonomy is important to me along with making my choices and forging my path even if they aren't the traditional or expected.  When Leyla was 2-3, her eldest brother was teasing her.  I saw her pull over a stool and climb on it.  She stood up so she could look him in the eye.  She then pointed her little finger in his face and told him emphatically,  “You are not Mom.  You are not the Truth.  And you and not the boss of me!!”  He fell over laughing at her serious face and tone so she added, “And this is NOT funny!”

I was awed by that statement which packed so much into a few short sentences.  Her dead serious passionate delivery made it even more powerful.  I have shared the story a few times, sometimes in earshot of Leyla.  When she was “great kid” at school, she wanted me to tell that story for the piece where parents provide a little of their insight which surprised me a little.

And we are the only two in the family who love sushi -- selfie at a favorite local place

So Happy Last One Digit Birthday, my beautiful, inside and out, daughter.  I look forward to continuing to learn from our differences and to our similarities!  You have enriched and brightened my life beyond words.

Happy Birthday Happy Homecoming 2016 -- A Year of Milestones and Transitions and Growth

This has been a big year.  Michael and I celebrated 25 years married.  This homecoming and birthday celebration marked a half century on this earth for me – wow, where did the years go?! And in the fall, I brought our eldest to college.  Another reminder that time flies as it seems yesterday he was a tiny baby.  It was the first time since Leyla joined our family on my birthday eight years ago, we would again be a family of four for our day to day.  

The milestones and transitions of this year impacted us all; Leyla was no exception. Her eight year old self is a wonderfully complex human being.  Looking back at her development in the last twelve months showed huge growth and provided opportunities for introspection to me.

At her first ever photo shoot for an Amazon Toy Campaign

She learned growing up involves loss.

Leyla took her big brother's departure to college hard as they have a special bond.  She told me soulfully, “I am SO sad he is leaving.”  I empathized and reminded her, “We are all sad, sweetie, but this is a good thing and part of your brother growing up.”  She looked at me like I totally missed the point, “Well, I had the LEAST amount of time with him.  You and dad got 19 years, Damian got 15, and I only got 8.”  I didn’t have a good response to this poignant display of her new math skills. So I settled for giving her a big hug which comforted us both.

Leyla getting to visit big brother at college

She grew as a teacher and a learner.  

One day, she talked to me about issues she had at her school with her classmates. We walked through the specifics and some of the strategies she might try to get a different result.  Some involved how to balance when to hold her ground and when to compromise; a tricky balance for me too.  She shared a few days later, “Thanks so much for your advice.  It all worked out great. I really appreciate you talking it through with me.”  This was not the report back I expected from my second grader. But I am learning nothing is as I might expect with her. And she reminded me of how empowering it can be to be given another perspective and some new strategies to try.

She broadened how she identifies her complex identity.  

She LOVES being Ethiopian.  Going to ECA culture camp is a yearly highlight. But she is also proud to be Greek (via Dad) and they enjoy special delicacies together like dolmades.  She also loves being Dutch (via Mom) hanging out with Oma and Opa and learning their native language lullabies.  She is modeling how embracing a culture doesn’t mean excluding others.  She is naturally inclusive which is inspiring to me.

Hanging out in Denver with Oma and Opa

Her relationship with her hair and mine evolved.  

She rocked her first set of braids which she adored.  She then missed her curls and was glad when they were released as we undid the braids.  She loves playing with my hair and her dolls'.  I think my hair is fine.  I always had hair envy for those with thick long hair.  But she thinks my hair is wonderful.  She adores styling it. I get almost as much hair attention as her dolls.  She practices creating braids and other fun, funky styles – most I cannot wear in public although she wants me to each time.  She has helped me to model what I always tell her.  “Your hair is perfect for you.”  And so I am coming to accept mine is also perfect for me.

Rocking her braids at an Ethiopia Reads Fundraiser

She modeled how to expresses gratitude and make people feel seen.  

Her approach reminds me of the power of being grateful for what is good and pure in my life. The simplest gestures can hold so much power.  I can always find something good in every interaction but I need to develop the discipline to make it a focus.  She has a natural ability to find the good in situations without ignoring the challenges.  This is an art.  She will thank people on a regular basis for the smallest of gestures and try to genuinely connect with them.  You can see the impact as their faces light up.  When I was at a recent fundraiser, a friend noted, I asked her, “How are you, Leyla?”  And she responded, “Great.  And how are YOU?”  The later part being what she found more surprising.  

Celebrating after her first hip hop performance

She experienced death as an intricate part of life.  

With the unexpected passing of her beloved pup Bella, she experienced all the stages of grief.  Disbelief: “I am waiting for her to just come back?”  “Do you think she is hiding?”  “I dreamt she was still with us”; Anger: “What is the point of living if we are all going to die anyway?!”; and finally Acceptance: “I am glad we had the time we had with her.”  And she embraced our new pup Beau with the same reckless abandon.  She makes the expression “loved to death” come to life.  She opened her whole heart fully willing to risk the pain and loss again.  She also held on to the love she had for Bella keeping a little stuffed animal of the same breed on her dresser.  When she found out a neighbor lost her dad, Leyla sat down and wrote her a note.  She then hand delivered, compelled to offer comfort.  She was rewarded with a card in the mail which laid out how much this person appreciated her gesture.  I was reminded me the power of sincerely reaching out whatever the age or situation.

Doggie days at Amazon with little Beau

Thank you sweet daughter for providing me (and your dad and brothers) so much joy and love and learning!  Your life is complex and not without its share of unanswerable questions and undeserved pain. Yet you move through it with such grace and wonder and dignity.  

 

Looking forward to another amazing year with you!